I’ve had a dilemma that probably wouldn’t be such a dilemma for someone not raised by a narcissist, or someone who had learned proper boundaries, or someone who hadn’t been abused; because of these things, it’s been a big dilemma.
Here’s my dilemma…
A year ago Hubby and I moved to a new Province, a new and very unfriendly city, a city where people just don’t care about each other and can be quite nasty. It’s very hard to get to know anyone here and we haven’t, aside from the odd chat with a couple of neighbours.
Actually that’s not fully true, we met one couple. We got together with said couple on three occasions. We went out for lunch once, we met at their place once, and we had them over to our place once. (I felt the obligation)
Even though I’m lonely, I have no interest in taking this thing further. I can’t put my finger on why, I just know something doesn’t feel right. I can’t always trust my instincts, because I have a tendency to run from people due to the social phobia, and BDD I get to live with thanks to abuse. Having said that, something still doesn’t feel right…
I have not had that feeling at all with our neighbours, if they invited us over to their yard again, I’d go in a heartbeat.
This couple I’m talking about contacted me the other day to invite Hubby and I over. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t even want to get back to them. Hubby convinced me that at very least I need to answer her.
Enter here another struggle…guilt…Now everything in me wanted to say, “no” because of a feeling in me that I don’t understand, the guilt in me wanted to say yes, what do you think I did?
I said, “No thank you we’re not able.” with a closed end sentence. She then asked how we were doing. I didn’t respond. I chose to listen to my gut and take care of my needs, but I feel really guilty. The guilt is two-fold (If you haven’t already figured that out) I’m lonely and need a friend, and here I am turning one down; and I could have hurt her feelings as well.
I need to give you a bit more information before I ask you what you’d do. The lady is a very nice lady. She’s very accepting and accommodating to my needs and situation. While there are a few things we have in common such as art and photography,there’s a thing we don’t (Which isn’t a big deal) She/they are into Si Fi big time. Like dress up as Star Wars characters big time.
Her Hubby on the other hand is completely antisocial, he barely talks at all, it’s obvious he wants nothing to do with anyone. (It’s not personal I know that) All he wants to do is not be there, yet when they were at our place, all three of us agreed on one movie to watch, and he picked out another, and said, “This is the one we’re watching.” That was the one we watched. It was like we were nonexistent while the movie was on, and when it was over, he just wanted to leave.
To be honest, I don’t even know if that’s my issue; again all I know is something doesn’t feel right. I did what I felt best for me, and I feel really guilty about it, (And selfish) yet relieved at the same time. Hubby didn’t care either way, so the choice was up to me. The two men would never try to hang out.
I hate when I can’t figure myself out, but history has taught me to trust my gut.
What would you do?
There is hope!
