Today I pushed past some intense fear. Hubby and I decided to do an extreme 8 week work out program yesterday. Today was day one. I’m not afraid of the workout (At least I wasn’t until today) because I love working out. What causes fear for me, is working out in front of anyone. I’m so self-conscious (A part of BDD) that fear wants to take over when there’s the thought of someone seeing me work out. Even Hubby.
I decided to ignore said fear today, because I didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to do something fun with Hubby, that we both love, not to mention is good for us!
Side note here: Do you ever notice ladies that when we come up with ideas, Hubby’s will often say no or ignore them, then out of the blue after some time passes, they will come up with a great idea about something; The great idea being the very one you had mentioned back then?? This was the situation with the workout thing, I guess it had to be his idea to be a great idea. When it was my idea, I got an emphatic “Hell no!” lol
Okay where was I….Right fear… We did the work out. Today was just the fitness test. Each exercise would be in one min. intervals, and you had to see how much you could do in that time, then you got a one min. rest time. All I have to say, is wholly crap I’m not 20 anymore! I started to feel nauseous with the first exercise. It’s been ingrained in my brain by the narcissistic father, that you don’t quit until you’ve finished a task. I’ve also been taught to ignore my suffering, that it, nor I are important. Well that came out today.
The point was to stop when you needed to, and mark your starting points, so you can see your progress as you go. I was not stopping when I needed too. I ended up on the floor trying not to throw up, or pass out. It was that intense.
You know, I have to say when one gets that sick, suddenly what one looks like no longer matters. All my effort was put into trying to keep my stomach down and stay conscience.
It was horrible in one way, and a gift in another. I had to let all inhibitions go, and let Hubby take care of me. I think I was on the floor for about a half hr. after the workout, before I could even attempt getting up. Hubby knew better when to stop, but he was hit with the same thing. Thankfully he had a delayed reaction that allowed him to grab a banana for me. I ate the banana slowly and it took a while, but I eventually got enough strength to get up. Then I was able to help Hubby with his delayed reaction.
I’m sitting here with a big grin on my face. Despite all the drama, I had a great time with Hubby, a time I might have missed if I allowed my fear to decide for me what I was going to do or not do.
I learned a couple of things; Despite the drama, working out with Hubby is fun, I need to listen to my body. It’s okay to stop when I need too, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. Hubby and I work together well as a team. I’m not 20 anymore. 
Oh my gosh I have to do this workout for another five days straight?!! It’s 6 days on and one day off. (Said workouts get harder as they go)…Eek!
I believe I have a lot to gain from this experience, such as a renewed closeness to Hubby, becoming physically fit again, a sense of accomplishment, energy and a better immune system/health. There hasn’t been anything to do where we live, and with Hubby out of work, we needed to find something fun and cheap to do together. This is fun, free, at home, and has the extra bonus of passing out if I should need a nap!
Tomorrow, I will listen to my body, I know I won’t be so afraid or self conscious of working out with Hubby, I’ll just be looking forward to it. I don’t know about my body, but at least my mind will! lol Take that fear!
Do you have anything in your life that fear stops you from doing? Is it something you could see yourself pushing past?
There is hope.
